The Importance of Self-Regulation for Trauma Survivors During the Holidays

The holidays, although joyful and magical in many ways, can be triggering for survivors of trauma. The challenges of time with extended family, the hassle of a packed calendar, and the stress of gift giving often leads to feelings of strain and overwhelm. With more than one in four Australians impacted by complex trauma, that means your colleague, neighbor, or loved one may be suffering. 

With that thought in mind, for this month’s blog post, I want to talk about the importance of self-regulation.

This skillset is particularly impactful for trauma survivors, as it allows them to process their personal experiences in a controlled and meaningful way. However, as you can imagine, strong self-regulation skills are important to everyone in all aspects of life!

First, let’s define self-regulation. Put simply, it is the ability to manage your body, mind, and emotions as you focus on your intentions. For instance, if your intention is to be kind, you must manage what you say and do with this goal in mind. Self-regulation helps you resist unhealthy urges, control your behaviours, and ultimately calm yourself down during heated moments.

Now, let’s consider four tips to help you self-regulate during this busy time of year.

1. Assume the best. 

Trust that your loved ones have good intentions. Acknowledge and validate their feelings and perspectives. As you develop your own opinions, lead with kindness, love, and compassion. Entering into conversations or social situations from a place of positivity will help guide the experience in a favorable way.  

2. Be aware of your own negative tone and dismissive comments.

If someone belittles your trauma or asks intrusive questions about your experience, it can be tempting to respond from a place of aggression. Instead, pause and take a deep breath. Remind yourself of your intentions and try to build a bridge of understanding when you reply back. Make a plan in advance if you have any relatives who may make it difficult to have respectful interactions.

3. Defuse emotional flooding.

Of course, intense emotions make it difficult to control your words and actions. Pay attention to your body’s signals. What does it feel like when anxiety or anger is building? How does your body respond to these feelings? Do you experience a flushed face, tingling in your arms, and/or a funny feeling in your stomach? Practice mindfulness by taking deep breaths, pausing before speaking, and chewing slowly. Steal away to a quiet space if you need a few moments to reset. 

4. Ground yourself in gratitude. 

It’s no secret that gratitude changes everything. It can help you sleep better, improve your physical health, increase your self-esteem, build strong relationships, and so much more. Each morning, when you first wake up, think of three things that you’re grateful for. Carry this feeling with you for repeated releases of dopamine (the feel-good hormone) throughout the holiday season.

Before closing, I want to remind you to reach out for professional help whenever needed.

Some helplines are open and operating 24 hours a day, 7 days a week throughout the holiday season. For crisis support, dial Lifeline at 13 11 14. For mental health support, contact Beyond Blue at 1300 224 636.

Connect with Salt Counselling on Facebook and Instagram. You can also contact me directly at counsellingatsalt@gmail.com.