When the Holiday Hustle Gets You Down
The holidays are marked by celebration, joy, and togetherness. Filled with giving and gathering, they are often referred to as “the most wonderful time of the year.” And yet, for many of us, it’s a season of stress, anxiety, and exhaustion — a reminder of who and what is missing from our lives. In this month’s blog post, I want to look at three family-related issues that often arise during the holiday season and offer some tips for getting through them with gumption and grace.
Family Struggles During the Holiday Season
To start, let’s consider three family struggles that tend to be heightened during the holiday season.
First, it’s all too common to set high expectations for your festivities. From something as small and private as your family’s Advent calendar to something as big and public as a visit to see Santa Claus or a neighborhood party, you want everything to be perfect. Plus, given the reach of social media, it may feel like all eyes are on you! Unfortunately, these expectations can morph into unbearable and unachievable standards, taking the fun out of this celebratory time of year.
Another issue that my clients face is co-parenting after a split or divorce. It’s no secret that the holidays disrupt your usual routine. While splitting your parenting duties from week to week easily works throughout the year, you may want to spend more time with your kids during the holidays, especially when they’re out of school. You may be willing to be flexible and adjust the schedule if needed, whereas your ex is unwilling to accommodate your needs. This situation can lead to feelings of anger and resentment.
And lastly, I frequently see teenage clients who are struggling with their parents’ divorce and its impact on the holidays. They may feel pressure to “choose” one parent over the other or guilt over a parent who is left alone on a special day. Coupled with high expectations from one or both parents (as discussed above), these feelings can be crippling. A teen may believe it’s up to them to “get it right,” even though there’s no right answer.
How to Survive the Holiday Hustle
Below, I share three tips for surviving the challenging moments — including the ones outlined above — that occur during the holidays.
Communicate, communicate, communicate: Truly, you can never communicate enough. If you feel like a parent, partner, or ex is expecting too much of your family, tell them. If you’re struggling with your co-parent as you plan for upcoming celebrations, tell them. If you feel caught in the middle of your parents’ split as you grapple with your schedule, tell them. These conversations can be difficult, but they’re the first step towards a joyful holiday season. If you need an outside perspective, don’t hesitate to seek professional help.
Plan ahead: As I mentioned above, it’s natural to feel a disruption in your daily routine during this busy time of year. With your kids out of school and a calendar filled with obligations, you’re most likely juggling more than usual! In an effort to ensure that things go as smoothly as possible, plan ahead. For instance, if your ex will be with your kids on Christmas morning, arrange a special day for you to celebrate with them. After all, it’s not the date that matters; it’s the love shared and memories made that count. Additionally, if you know you’re going to feel lonely in the days ahead, give yourself something to look forward to! Schedule a coffee date with a friend or make plans to volunteer in your community.
Take a break from social media: Speaking of planning ahead, on days where you’re feeling depressed or alone, skip the endless scrolling on social media. Seeing happy families opening presents in matching pajamas or enjoying a holiday meal may be too much to bear. Instead, make a list of projects and focus on being productive and present.
Wishing you all a holiday season filled with calm and contentment!
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