Five Survival Tips for Parents of Children with Special Needs
As a parent of a child with special needs, you may have days filled with uncertainty, sadness, frustration, resentment, jealousy, and/or exhaustion — not to mention guilt for feeling any of the feelings just mentioned. You try to be kind, patient, and loving, but you often go to bed feeling defeated and discouraged. I’m here to tell you to hang in there!
Below, I share five survival tips for parents of children with special needs.
1. Ask for help.
Don’t be afraid to open up about your challenges. If you need referrals to specialists, talk to your pediatrician. Ask your child’s teachers for ways to help them in school. Talk to your counsellor or other parents of children with special needs for personal support (more on that below!). Ask your spouse, friends, and family for extra help on tough days or whenever you need some time to focus on your own self-care.
Remember that you’re not “parenting wrong.” In fact, as long as you’re doing the best you can with the help of those around you, you’re parenting just right.
2. Reach out to other parents of children with special needs.
On those days where it feels like you and your kid are up against the world, know that you’re not alone in your struggles. When you find a support system, you’ll also discover coping strategies, resources, and encouragement from parents who understand.
3. Practice self-care.
It’s hard to make time for yourself when so much of your time is spent caring for others. However, in order to give your best to your child with special needs, you must take time to relax and recharge. Even 5 to 10 minutes a day can make a noticeable impact! Here are a few ideas that, with a little extra effort, you can fit into your day:
Wake up a little earlier than the rest of your house. Drink a cup of coffee as you read a book or journal. Or just sit and enjoy the silence!
Take a walk with a friend. Your kids will appreciate the fresh air, and you’ll feel energized from both the movement and extra support.
Explore resources in your community – both formal and informal – that will give you the opportunity to take a break. It’s healthy for you and your child to have trusted, capable adults in their life.
Make an effort to exercise, even if it’s just 10 or 20 minutes a day. If you can’t sneak away for a run or pilates class, practice yoga while your kids play. Or put on a favorite song and have a dance party together!
4. Take care of your co-parenting relationship.
Much like your own self-care, it’s easy to let your relationship with your spouse or partner fall to the back burner. Communicate your needs, especially when it comes to asking for help. As I mentioned above, it’s important to fit small, daily breaks into both of your schedules. Give each other encouragement too! Remind your partner of their strengths. Additionally, you need to spend time focused on each other. Even if it’s just 15 minutes before bed, make an effort to talk about something besides the kids!
5. Spend time with your other children too.
As busy as you may be caring for your child with special needs, it’s important to give their siblings love and attention too. Something as simple as reading together after dinner or chatting in the car on the way to school can make a big difference. It’s the quality, not the quantity, that counts.
Most importantly, just remember to do what you can, when you can.
On good days, you will be able to fit in time for yourself, but on bad days, it’ll be harder. Think about the concept of “Einstein time.” You are always busy, but you are in control of your available time. So you’re the one who gets to decide if a 10-minute stretch break is incorporated into your day. Honour your needs and understand that they may be very different from the needs of others. Some people go full-speed all day and collapse into bed at the end of it. Others need breaks to recharge. Do what’s best for you.