The Attachment Theory
The attachment theory argues that a strong bond — both emotional and physical — to a primary caregiver in the early years of life is crucial to development. When our bond is strong and we are securely attached, we feel safe to leave and explore, knowing we can always come back. However, when our bond is weak and we are insecurely attached, we feel fearful and see the world as scary and full of the unknown. We are hesitant to leave because we don’t know if we can return. Furthermore, as a result of this insecurity, we often don’t understand our own feelings.
Whether we experience secure or insecure attachment majorly impact our lives.
We are too young to communicate our anxiety but can still experience high levels of stress. As a result, our adrenal gland produces the stress hormones of adrenaline and cortisol. In response, our heart rate and blood pressure both increase. If this reaction occurs frequently, it is known as toxic stress — toxic because it damages the development of the child’s brain and weakens the immune system. In embryos or very young infants, toxic stress can even switch the expression of genes, which negatively affects health decades later.
People who are securely attached as children demonstrate greater trust and stronger connection with others and also are more successful in life. Conversely, insecurely attached people mistrust others, struggle with social skills, and fail to form relationships. While there is one type of secure attachment, there are three types of insecure attachments: anxious ambivalent, anxious avoidant, and anxious disorganized.
Let’s use the Smith Family to better understand the attachment theory.
This video from Sprouts introduces viewers to Mr. and Mrs. Smith and their four children: Luca, Ann, Joe, and Amy. The parents often cuddle, make eye contact, and speak lovingly to their kids. One day, Mr. Smith unexpectedly passes away. Life becomes much more challenging for Mrs. Smith, as she now must work all day and also care for her children.
Secure Attachment
For six-year-old Luca, the change to his home life doesn’t affect him much. His brain is mostly developed, and he feels confident about his place in the world. He feels securely attached and views his mom as his safe haven. As he grows up, he maintains a positive self-image and develops strong relationships.
Insecure Attachment: Anxious Ambivalent
Ann is three years old and struggles to cope with the decrease in attention. She sees her mother’s behavior as unpredictable and feels anxious about their bond, which leads her to become clingy. She screams to get her mom’s attention and then acts ambivalent in response, hiding her true feelings. Later in life, others see Ann as moody and unstable, and her own self-image is less positive than that of her big brother.
Insecure Attachment: Anxious Avoidant
Two-year-old Joe spends much of his time with his uncle, who is very strict. When Joe shows too many emotions, his uncle gets angry, which often scares him. In order to avoid fear, he avoids showing his feelings. This strategy continues through adulthood, and he struggles to form relationships. He views himself in a negative light.
Insecure Attachment: Anxious Disorganized
At one year old, Amy spends her day in a nursery with a poorly-trained, overworked, and stressed staff. She becomes anxious around the same people that should provide her with security. This conflict leads her ideas about love and safety to become very disorganized. In response, she avoids all social situations. As she grows up, she believes she is unworthy of love.
By setting up a strange situation, we can identify an attachment style as early as one year of age.
To do so, we allow a child to play with their mother for a few minutes inside of a room. Then, the child is left alone. The important moment is when the mother returns. If a child is securely attached, they first hug their mother and then calm down and return to playing. Insecurely attached children respond with ambivalence and avoidance. They may continue crying or refuse to play again.
The long-term effects of attachment in our early years is well-studied. Researchers at the University of Minnesota used the attachment theory to predict at the age of three if a child would drop out of high school with 77 percent accuracy.
Another study asked undergraduates at Harvard University to consider how close they felt to their parents. 35 years later, the same group of people were asked about their health. Of those who said they had a poor relationship with their mother, 91 percent were also diagnosed with major health issues, including coronary artery disease, hypertension, and alcoholism. Of those with a more positive maternal relationship, just 45 percent reported health concerns.
Beyond the importance of secure attachment, the early years are the starting point for lifelong behaviors.
A securely-attached toddler will more easily make friends when she begins kindergarten. She feels loved and supported and develops an optimistic outlook that she carries with her into adulthood. An insecurely-attached child misses out on this opportunity in large part due to their experiences within the first few years of their lives.